#28

#thestruggleisreal

Keep it comin' bruh.
I'm tired of trying.
I'm tired of trusting people.
I'm tired of being lied to.
I'm tired of everything.

Might as well if you just let me go.

#27 I Finally Graduated!

Alhamdulillah, I am officially a diploma graduate from UTM. Being in engineering course for 3 years is not that simple. My family, Yzd, my friends and my lecturers have contributed a lot during my survival stage. I couldn't thank them enough. Thank you for always being there for me. I seriously could never have done it without them. May Allah bless all of you.

Diploma was a roller-coaster ride. Who would have thought that as a person who used to be so stereotype about diploma programme is now a diploma graduate? Three-year experience has taught me a lot. From friendship to everything beyond that. I'm actually very delighted to know most of my diploma classmates made it to convocation day. I'm a proud friend.

And for those who managed to obtain the dean's list, congratulations! Berat tau medal tu. Siap ada ukir nama masing-masing. SO COOL!

Tiga tahun ni takkan dapat diganti dengan mana-mana tahun yang akan datang. It won't be the same. It just won't be the same without the ones who left and the one who will be leaving the rest of us in Skudai. And it would never be the same whenever we're having any pre-final-trip-to-somewhere. Nevertheless, I wish you all the best! Just keep in touch with each other and we'll be fine. And for those who are still with me all the way to degree, let's do this together! Let us repeat the history - but this time with red robe instead of the black one. Three more years and we're done!

Now that I currently pursuing my degree programme in Civil Engineering, I hope that I can make it on time and everything runs smoothly. Ameen.

#26 IJM Scholarship Interview

Assalamualaikum. So, here's my story. (This is a very very very very very long post.)

When I was in 4th semester of diploma, I came to realize that life's getting tough - very fast - even as a student. So it hit me, how am I supposed to find a job once I graduated? (Because numbers of fresh graduates increases and there's a lack of vacancies out there). And who's going to fund my life later? I pity my parents who are still struggling to finance our family. I'm not gonna let them pay for my tuition fees throughout my degree years.

So, during my semester break, I went on internet and searched for any available scholarships in Malaysia (specifically for engineering students). It turned out there were a lot of them. Some even from companies I've never heard before. I waited another two semesters to be able to apply for the scholarships - most scholarship applications opened in March/April and some in September. I even found some companies which offer their scholarships twice a year. You just gotta keep updated with all of these regularly.

Hah, what scholarships did I apply? Astro, Maxis, IJM, Shell, and Gamuda scholarship. I stopped applying once I got the good news from IJM lol. But please, keep applying ALL OF THE SUITABLE SCHOLARSHIPS AND DON'T BE LAZY TO FILL WHATEVER FORM THERE IS. And don't worry if they asked you to hand them a copy of university offer letter if you don't have one because when I applied for both IJM and Gamuda, I didn't have it yet. Sometimes, it's just luck.

I received an email from Shell in early February asking me to do an IQ test online. Believe me, it was fucking hard (it was time limited - of course). Didn't manage to proceed to the next stage though. And then in May, an email from IJM came in stated that my application is successful and I was asked to attend the assessment/interview 3 weeks after that and so I did. Not long after that, I received a call from Gamuda. A Chinese woman with very soft but firm voice telling me I'm one of the successful applicants and I have to attend the scholarship workshop in June (not yet the interview fyi). The workshop was okay and fun actually. I thought I couldn't proceed to another stage but eventually I did make it to the final stage (interview session).

I actually made a list of the scholarships I can apply. Believe me, it helps you to keep on track of everything you wanted to do next and keeping eye on everything related to the scholarships - required minimum CGPA and application deadline, just to name a few. But it's weird though looking back at the list, I did not jot down the IJM Scholarship and I don't know why. Lol

So there was it - the process of selecting and filling scholarship application forms. I admit that this whole thing was tiring. It was such a boring thing to do for so many times but just do it. If you really want what you want, you'll have no excuse at all. In fact, who knows all the difficulties you face today will ease you in the future.

* * * * * * * * * *

PLEASE READ MORE. LOL.

#25

I thought of sharing my interview experience and how the process went and how miraculously I successfully got the scholarship since there were quite a lot of people asking about them. I will post it here someday, I promise.
Thank you for this big opportunity and blessing, ya Allah.
"Sebahagian rezeki kita adalah hak milik orang lain."

20 Facts About Me

A couple of friends tagged me on Instagram asking me to do the 20 Facts About Me. The thing is, I dislike extremely long caption on my Instagram so I think I might post that on my blog - like right now (although I don't have any idea what I'm going to list).

1. I'm a cat-person. Actually every person in my family is a cat-person. I think the longest period of time our family didn't pet a cat is umm... less than 6 months. And then there was always a cat chilling out alone in front of our doorstep.
2. I eat a lot but I don't gain weight (I did gain some kgs, but just for a while). With the height of 155cm, the heaviest weight I've gained was 50kg. Just recently I lost weight to 40kg. Currently underweight (still eat like a mad cow).
3. I am short-tempered. I curse a lot and... &%$#
4. I have a brother who was born less-than-a-year earlier than me. In simpler words, 5 days before his first birthday, I was born.
5. My dad is a year younger than my mum.
6. I used to be an athlete. I played netball, I participated in 4x100m, 100m, long jump and marathon. I also played badminton, golf and cycling as my hobbies. I even took swimming classes. That was a while ago. Right now I can't even move out of my bed. Aqilah is a potato.
7. When I was between the age of 11-15, I wore a retainer.
8. I'm not used of telling people what emotional state I'm having. Serius tak reti. That's why I blog. That's why I tweet. That's why I have diaries.
9. I like being alone and have my sweet privacy. It's like you're dating yourself and you enjoy it very much you never want to let go.
10. Both my brother and my boyfriend are extreme gamers. So yeah don't ask me where I know all these imba, GG, GLHF, GGWP stuffs. Any game tournaments or events, they will go.
11. Oh yes, they say there are 7 people in the world who look like you. Well, I already found three. Peace.
12. I'm currently in JB and this is the farthest I've been away from my hometown. From kindergarten to high school to boarding school to National Service to diploma years - all of that in KL/Selangor. So I'm kinda homesick right now.
13. I can't stand the cold. 24 degree Celsius is the limit. 
14. DUDE IM HUNGRY WHERE'S MY FOOD.
15. Mabuk laut, mabuk udara, claustrophobia.
16. I don't watch Malay dramas/movies because most of them are serious bullshits and cliché.
17. Same goes to reading. The only Malay reading materials I read are the ones from Ramlee Awang Murshid (because he writes the most exciting and epic thriller stories I've ever read. I have all his novels, fuh) and the ones from LejenPress, Buku Hitam, Buku Fixi, Selut Press and other alternatives publisher because they are rare and genuine and not the typical type. That's why.
18. When it comes to organizing files in laptop/smartphone, I organize it well. I have so so so many sub-folders haha. I hate seeing those desktops that have scattered icons. What are you even doing? Your desktop is not a recycle bin. Kemaslah sikit for goodness sake.
19. I will get married once I have a stable life of my own and once I did something incredibly great for my parents (for instance, save them money for their Hajj or buy them a new car/house). Kalau diorang nak cucu awal pun tak kisah HAHAHA. InsyaAllah, kita hanya mampu merancang. If the plot twisted, redha dan bersangka baik.
20. Nak pavlova sekarang please. Kempunan.

Okay dah 20. Kebas bontot. I need to sleep.

My food hasn't arrive yet.

#24

I just can't.....(breathe). Semoga ada yang boleh transfer credit.

#23

Assalamualaikum. Hello.

Sepatutnya tengah nak siang sotong sebenarnya ni nak masak sambal. I'll do the house chores all by myself since Ibu is not around this week. But um gotta find time for my blog also!

Three days left to registration day and to be honest, I'm not all excited about this. Because I've never been away from my family. Atau senang cerita, tak pernah stay at a place outside KL/Selangor for a long period of time. I'm quite nervous sesesesesesebenarnya. Before I went to TIKL pun I studied in Selangor. And then I attended PLKN in Kuala Kubu Bharu. Pursued my diploma in KL juga. So this will be literally my very first time la kan. Sobs.

(Or maybe I have never been away from Yzd too. Okay diam jangan bahan).

More to tahan rindu actually. Okay diam. I need to write something because I'm not good at telling people what I feel - face to face. In the end, I'll just hold it inside and I'll cry myself to sleep. When somebody asked whether I feel okay, I will just answer "Okay je" or "Not okay bcs I don't know what to tell pls don't ask me again". SO UMM, TELL ME AGAIN HOW I GOT HERE FROM MY NERVOUSNESS STORY? Jauh menyimpang.

What I'm going to say is that, I'm nervous, I'm scared, I don't know what to expect when I start my life there, and I don't know how long I'm gonna cope with everything. Despite all of that, I know I'm gonna learn to adapt myself there (Adapt everything including the fact that Sunday is working day in Johore).

Yaya, lawat KTDI okay. Haha.

#22 Degree!

Assalamualaikum.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAlhamdulillah.

So, my education journey went from Selangor to KL (TIKL & UTMKL) and finally to UTMJB. First time jauh dari rumah sebenarnya. PLKN dulu pun dekat Kuala Kubu Bharu je. Homesick? Maybe. HAHAHA.

To be frank, I was quite confident actually of getting through straight to degree programme in UTMJB. Because compared to Electrical students (Electrical Power, Electrical & Electronic, Electrical Comm and Mechatronics), Civil Enginering students don't have to compete with other courses and the placement for us in JB are just enough. Alhamdulillah for that.

So, terus masuk second year  la ni. Hikhik.

And I get to meet my DDPA classmates once again!

#21

Assalamualaikum lovely people.

When I looked at my DSLR, my heart went from the top of the KLCC to the very bottom of it. Uzur sangat. The eyepiece went missing since I don't know when. The thin rubber at the holder and the USB cover at the side also gone. The AF is out of focus. So, I abandoned it for about a year (or maybe more).

And then I decided to use it again this Raya. Like, hello Aqilah, dia macam tu tapi still berguna. MF still okay. Shot some Raya pictures (guna timer je) and it was pretty awkward holding my baby once again. And lupa this and that button is for what bla bla bla. Sedihnya!

Anyhow, the first week of Raya was okay for me. Got to spend some time with Ajid (pergi ladang kambing makan kambing golek because ladang tu is his friend's and dia buat kenduri. So gewd sampai jilat jari), and the next day again with him (plus some of my friends) since my family held a house warming + doa selamat at Seremban. Penat nak arwah.

Lepastu tak tahu nak cerita apa dah.

#20

Tengah cuti macam ni, semakin rajin nak update. Hehe. Assalamualaikum!

At times like this, I admit that I really miss my friends. Especially my ex-classmates (5A1 and DDPA). A lot of things happened lately and I am eager to share the stories with them. Macam Subone cakap, "Kena face to face baru seronok". Indeed. So, he insisted to make a proper plan if we want to gather our friends this Raya. YAYA, KALAU KAU BACA NI, PLEASE LA KITA BERAYA RAMAI-RAMAI LAGI OKAY.

1. Oh yes, I just enabled comments section in my blog (after 3 years or so of disabling the comments).


2. I've been chosen as one of the IJM scholars! Although there's no black and white yet, the news is extremely making me happy. Still need some documents to be prepared for the Scholarship Agreement. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. (I have yet to receive the offer letter from UTM. Macam mana niii).


3. This upcoming Wednesday marks my final day of my part-time job. Yes!


4. I think I need to work on managing my emotion. I am still very very very overwhelmed by the fact that the past still haunts me. ERGH.


5. I just made a new Twitter account - @iamqil

By the way, I'm hoping that Malaysia and its people will turn into a better shape soon. The recent shocking news is surely bringing us down, but we need to put aside the racism and any other bad things to get through this together, insyaAllah. Allah is with us if we depend solely on Him. My deepest condolences to the victims' families of MH17 and MH370.

#19 Sign

This video literally hit me on my chest. MasyaAllah, amazing story, brother. I was struck during which he's telling us he was seeking for a specific sign and something happened. You can just watch the rest. It's worth it.


I was overwhelmed by his experience.

7:42 - "I cannot have an opinion when this is the Word of God"
10:46 - "For those of you who asks for signs, have We not shown you enough already?"

#18

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone! Salam Ramadhan.

First of all, life has been keeping up its normal pace, Alhamdulillah. I've waited months for the wheel to turn back up and it finally did. Ahh, lega sangat-sangat, I'm lost of words. What's up with my life eh?

1. Abang has finally arrived in Malaysia. Jadi supir je sekarang. Sending me off to work, fetching little sister from school blabla things like that. His current routine is.. yes.. playing the Defense of the Ancients or famously known as DotA. Krik.


2. I am still sick. Since last Tuesday. Refused to seek for a doctor for the second time haha. I fear the bad news.


3. I have actually been shortlisted for the final round of Gamuda scholarship interview. It went horribly wrong in my view. Came in for the interview very pretty (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) but not in a good health condition. Dalam bilik interview batuk teruk sampaikan one of the interviewers had to give me a glass of plain water and said, "This is the first time we serve water to the candidate. Haha". Malu k.
   
   Did I mention there were four interviewers? Mati.


4. Note that when I hate someone, I hate that person 'passionately'. Someone has to learn how to appreciate and respect other people's relationship. You knew you were wrong and you refused to apologize? Damn gurl, so bitchy. I personally get tired of people taking me for granted. THRICE. 


5. Our family has a new home in Seremban. No more balik raya dekat Muar.

That's about it I guess. I have two more weeks before my resignation. Working is boring. I want my student's life back but no exams and assignments please.

#17

Hello.

I had a few weeks that came from hell. And I doubt everything in the time being. All I can do is just hoping for the best. Anyway, IJM scholarship interview and Gamuda Scholarship Workshop went so-so. Didn't put any high hopes on those two. But of course la kan if I passed any of them, excited macam asdfghjkl.

Ehem. I just bought a reusable water bottle and some nice little bags (which I don't even know what to do with them) as birthday presents to myself since no one is giving me any. Heheh. I don't know, this year's birthday is the worst I've had so far, I think.

Haih, takmau pikiaq dah.

Move on to the good news! Abang will be back this month, on the 24th! But only for a month and will not have the chance to celebrate Raya here since his classes will start before that. Curse you, NZ haha.

Btw, anyone who's reading this... I know Allah is always with His servants. But would you please pray for the best for me? Because I'm having a hard time right now and I really need some additional virtual motivation. Thank you so much. May God bless.

#16

I have an upcoming interview and I don't know how and what to prepare because I've never been to one before. Zero experience.

HELP.

#15

My tweets may be portraying the depressing side of me. Tapi saya ni perempuan. Excuse my gender. Ha-ha. Put that aside for a moment, I just wanted to list some things-to-do/buy/own (be it short term or long term and of course happier ones).

Note that the things I'll be listed are those which I can think of right now.

1. Buy a convocation dress. (Checked. Tapi kena bayar ansuran kat Ibu. K.)
2. Asus laptop for everyday computing including some heavy works such as AutoCAD. Screen size between the range of 13" - 15.6". Preferably HDD of 750GB and above. Not very sure about the processor. And of course below 1.8k MYR. Hahaha agak-agak boleh dapat tak? (Seriously benda macam ni kena tanya Ajid). Kalau jadi orang kaya dah lama dah angkat MacBook Pro.
3. iPhone. Depends on my budget.
4. Bayar sendiri yuran Degree. Well, at least during registration. After that, I'm gonna figure out how to pay la kan. Currently applying for scholarships and will be continuing to do so.
5. Saving money to attend Abang's convocation day in New Zealand years from now! InsyaAllah.

OMG suddenly the lists explode in my head. Ini kalau diberitahu semua, it will be continuous. That's it for now.

Oh. Just wondering. Why some people didn't know how to organize their desktops and files? Sakit mata tahu tak, tengok shortcuts and files bersepah-sepah ya Allah why tak serabut ke pleaseeeee kemaskan thank you I don't wanna feast my eyes with uncontrollably 'debris'. 

#14

I'm supposed to write my personal statement right now but oh well. Since I'm a PROcrastinator, I do my best at it. Lagi satu, it's been a while jugak since I last wrote essays. Tangan pun dah kejung, lack of ideas and I lost my mojo. Apparently I lost all my skills too. Taking pictures, creating fine arts and of course my athletic skills. Main bola jaring pun macam bodoh-bodoh je (stress betul).

Anyway, UTM diploma result is out and I couldn't be happier than I am right now.

"Thinking about graduation makes me happy because I can imagine how happy my parents are gonna be." (Shah, 2014)

How can one not be happier to be graduated with a CGPA of 3.80, my best yet personal achievement? Nak bangga sekali ni je please please please boleh tak? Maafkan saya hehehehehe. Alhamdulillah.

#13

I'm sorry. I can't help but posting a video one of my celebrity crushes performs. Ahh.

So hello. I got a job at a bakery shop. The King's Bakery. Hahahaha diammah. InsyaAllah until the end of August - or just before that. 

Cakes.. Cookies.. Breads.. Sexy back. Makan makan makan..

#12 I'm Gonna Miss UTM KL.

Hye. Hello everyone.

Alhamdulillah, March 21 marks the end of my diploma years. Three years. Mimpi. Mimpi lagi. Alhamdulillah for the awesome journey with a bunch of awesome people. Although I may not have a long conversation or spending time as much as everyone did among ourselves, my classmates were, are and always be the best.

Seriously I'm gonna miss the BBQs, the end-semester trips, bahan-bahan orang lain (especially me. You guys have been calling me ikan bilis since the first semester), and also helping each other during tests and quizzes. HAHA.

It's saddening knowing that I'm not going to meet some of them after this because pretty much most of my classmates applied for foreign universities and they have received the offer letter. It all now depends on whether they're gonna be awarded with scholarships/loans or not.



Final exam was a so-so for me. Concrete Design paper was horrible. If it took us two hours on one question during test, what do you expect when there were 3 questions during final exam and we have to finish them within two and a half hour. It's frustrating - but not really bcs apparently everyone didn't manage to complete all the questions. Ah, what am I babbling right now.

InsyaAllah, kalau tak ada aral melintang, sambung degree di UTM Skudai pula.

So, I'm on holiday until the end of August. Now what?

#11

Post, delete, post dan delete je kerja aku.

So, basically lecture weeks for diploma years no more dah! This whole week has been very hectic one. Tests and presentations for five days straight and done all of them already! How can I not be more excited than this?! Yela sebab diploma dah nak habis! But of course.. final exam. Unofficially, my study week starts today, but y'know with all those things that kept me restless, I do think I deserve a well rested weekend - at home.

You know when they said three years are not that long? Yes, pejam celik, I'm ending my studies here in UTM KL. Last paper of final exam ends on the 21st March, so bye. Till you see me post an entry again.

#10

So, hello 2014.

I must say that 2013 has been a bittersweet year for me. Started the year by welcoming a new person into my life, went through a very wavy emotional journey, received both very very good news and very very bad news and ended it up in not so decent way.

Now I realize, towards the end of the year, I started to push people away. It's the thing I do when I think no one can cope with me. They don't understand me because I didn't let them. Having to tell people what your problems are and getting a "Chill, everything's gonna be okay" answer is.. mehhh. 

I get the feeling that the worse things have yet to come. And I do think that this year's routes in almost anything (especially when it is emotionally involved) are gonna be very bumpy. I have to get ready for this. Must use asphalt bitumen highway. Much more flexible pavement than the rigid one (haha this is what happened when a Civil Engineering student gets too attached to the course). Ah yes, I'm going to stick with my decision to pursue my studies in a local university. Which university? Well, I surely have a plan for that matter.

It's life. What's life without a little bit of choices, risks and problems. Semoga ditetapkan hati dalam semua perkara. And to those people I love the most, please stay.